MeikiSquared: December 2007

Meiki's 2008 Predictions

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After carefully researching human events of the past, I can precisely predict the actual events that will shape my life and the lives of the public in the the upcoming year, 2008.

January - A friend of ours will leave their current job and begin modeling on commission. (Link) *NSFL

February - Soulja Boy wins the Grammy for Best Rap Song. Barry Manilow gets angry worse than the losers and goes onstage and supermans the 17 year-old on live television.

March - Tameka bites off Usher's head, thereby completing the praying mantis ritual.

April - I see Gail in Central Park and strike her with my mighty boot.

May - I meet a guy. We fall for each other immediately. We're attached at the hip all the time. My friends and family don't see me anymore. I'm rethinking this virginal virgo thing. He makes a comment that Smoothie King "isn't all that". I break up with him through text message.

June - Beyonce opens yet another BET Awards Show. In a show of overwhelming unity, the audience throw their chairs at the performing singer in an symbolic gesture to get her to sit her ass down.

July - Omarion is caught sitting in between Bow Wow's legs getting his hair braided. A frustrated Bow Wow leaves the music industry following the leak and enters cosmetology college and subsequently invents the Bow Wow Weave™.

August - Jade will be involved in a photo scandal with Phonte of Little Brother and will be forced to hire the gang Chris Stokes uses to threaten his boys.

September - After recovering from the chair incident of early summer, Beyonce announces that she is retiring from the industry to pursue rock farming. An enraged stan population left without a relic, riot on the internet, permanently crippling YouTube and Myspace. In a last ditch effort, former Beyonce stans attempt to worship at the altar of Solange, but after realizing how ridiculous that sounds, give up on life all together. Baby Daniel moves out.

October - At a political rally, an agitated Barack Obama abruptly snaps, "Bitch, if you don't back up off me!" at Oprah Winfrey while they are onstage. An embarrassed Obama shoots to the top as a favorite in polls with white America and is a favorite to win next month's presidential election.

November - At his trial, R. Kelly shocks the courtroom by admitting that his braids are a Berber lacefront. A furious Shemar Moore sues Kelly in a class-action suit and wins his case. Kelly is rendered penniless and shunned from the industry. His sexual misconduct trial is further postponed.

December - The Equifax offices and servers are destroyed in a terrorist act. Everyone in the continental United States proceed to have the best holiday ever. I never get caught.

Could You Get A Callback With A Moniker Like That?

I got this in my inbox yesterday. My nerves are still trying to come down.

From the email:

So I was going through my cell phone, deleting pictures before I transferred stuff to my new phone, and I found this picture of some names from my cousin's high school graduation program in good ol' Houston, Texas...I don't think I need to point out the winner of most hood-tastic name. The people around us took bets on if the announcer could pronounce her damn name....they lost.

I'm not gonna front; I got my giggle on to this, but since we're essentially at the end of 2007 and it's all about kicking out the old and bringing in the new, THIS SH*T RIGHT HERE ^ MUST CEASE! It's painfully apparent that for LaTraumaukkah's parents, creativity was never the idea. They have mistaken utter ridiculousness for innovation. I'm not saying Anglo names are the way to go...I don't have an Anglo name myself, but I do know that treating a child's identity like a game of Boggle gives them obstacles right out of the gate. Now why you wanna go and do that?

I LOVE B!

Is you crazy? Not that "B".

My favorite person emerging from this Raz B/Chris St(r)okes saga is blogger B. Scott (Link) who gave his opinion via video on YouTube and is now feeling the wrath of the family members of TUGboat Strokes.

Family Members of Chris Stokes Intimidating Blogger B. Scott
(Link)

An e-mail was recently sent to B. Scott of LoveBScott.com, by the cousin of Chris Stokes talking smack about B. Scott's reaction to the molestation claims made by ex B2K member Raz B.

Regarding this video:

Here's the e-mail:

J.D. Carson (a.k.a. Gotti) Chris Stokes’ first cousin sent me the below message entitled “Chris Stokes’ Real Cousin” last night in regards to my YouTube videos on the Raz B/Chris Stokes situation:

When first beginning to watch your video; listening to the texture of your voice, I honestly believed that there might be a little sanity left in the world - thinking that you would be one of the first people I’ve heard on you.tude to possibly speak objectively about the entire Raz vs. Chris Stokes situation.

I just would have thought more from someone who “seemed” to be a little more educated, well spoken, and objective. But I guess everyone needs there on 5 minutes of Fame huh?

Signed,
Chris Stokes “REAL” Cousin

http://www.myspace.com/jd_carson

Here is blogger B. Scott's response:

Dear Chris Stokes “How U Doin” Cousin,

When first beginning to read your email; reading between the lines, I honestly believed that there might be a little heterosexuality left in your family - thinking that you would be one of the first people to respond to my youtube video that could possibly speak objectively about the entire Raz vs. Chris Stokes situation. Then, BABY, I saw your picture…and I though, Oooooh how youuuuuuuu doin’?? I swear something must be in water where Chris Stokes and his “Real” cousin grew up because he just off the cuff looks like a super duper sugar plum! Does your girlfriend boyfriend know your writing me boo boo? You on payroll too? and speaking of having 5:00 minutes of fame, you’re at 4:55, 5-4-3-2-1 ….GOODBYE!

P.S - Tell your gutter-butt-child-molesting-trollop “I dont do that anymore” cousin I said hey! Um, the hair….Comb-Thru Texturizer or S-Curl? you’re lookin’ a little dry there, a little curl re-activator will SNAP that scurl right back into shape, but try not to f@#k up that pillow!

Double Kisses,
B. Scott

Update: Raz-B’s brother is rumored to have just called MTV and told them Raz B was forced by some Compton bloods to read a script provided by Chris Stokes lawyer on video, denying his previous molestation claims. Chris Stokes paid the bloods to shut Raz-B up but his brother, Ricky Romance, stands by his molestation claims against Stokes. Another source says Raz-B has “been missing for two days”. (For some reason a child molester and the Compton bloods don’t seem like a winning combination but hey it could be true!)

Damn the writer's strike... there is some grade A material going down right here!

Ice Me Down

Trey Songz may have a current single released about being a captain save-a-hoe (Link), but who knew this twig could really fly?

Trey Songz attacks concert-goer after ice is thrown on stage.

Look at how he starts to sing after it's all done.

I don't know about you, but I love for my so-called R&B artists to sing ballads on stage with a bunch of miscellaneous kneegrows scoping the crowd for low self-esteem bishes while wearing a wave cap and shouting "Hold the f*ck up, hold the f*ck up" in between sets.

QOTD

There's no doubt you've probably seen former B2K member Raz-B tapes that were released by his older brother accusing former manager Chris Stokes and Marques Houston of molestation and the more recent tape of him retracting the statements made on the first video. A lot of people have opinions on the possible reasons for the accusations and the following apology, but I have to ask:

Although he said the tapes were released without his knowledge, is Raz-B's credibility in this whole saga now damaged?

The Accusatory Video

The Apology

In other things:

Reverend Run and Wife Justine Simmons Welcome Miley Justine (Link)

Keyshia Cole's Mama Is Allegedly Back On That Stuff

Hustle Man Has Sold More Albums Than Kizzy L. Rowland (Link)

I Don't Know About You...

Christmas may be over, but for me the holiday season is still going strong. Today is the first day of Kwanzaa. Happy Umoja! I'm still on my Christmas high, so I'll see you in '12 days'.

(I sing this Nola classic 'till New Year's every year.)

Get Down On The First Night

Since y'all at home and can turn up the volume listen to this one here. If ya'll can stick through her many detours, maybe you'll find out what she's really trying to say. I'm grown now so I can't condone any of this (not on Christmas Eve, anyway).

I'm glad I don't have a video camera set up in the loo because I'd probably have a collection of videos of me bitching about how you gotta now use two packets of Kool-Aid in order to get the flavor just right 'cause they ain't making "red" like they used to.

http://www.jia-tv.com

Why she broadcasts from the water closet, I don't know. Period, blank, dot mothaf*cking com.

So Chris Stokes Really Is A Child Molester

I'm sorry to interrupt the holiday post, but this is hot off the presses and it'll probably be old news by the time everyone gets back together.

There have ALWAYS been rumors about music manager Chris Stokes and his actions with his musical acts, namely Immature/IMX and B2K. Former B2K member Raz-B speaks on his personal account dealing with Stokes and in the second video, his older brother who was also taken under the wing of Stokes, has similar testimony.

This is a damn shame. These rumors have been around forever, but we're hearing it from the horse's mouth here. It's highly doubtful that Raz-B's fessing up to underage orgies is for attention or publicity.

(Link)

'Starting at ages 11 and 12 TUG management heads Chris Stokes and Marques Houston forced the boys of B2K into orgies with managers, agents, friends and each other. This went on until the group disbanded.

For years some wondered about the too close for comfort between management and B2K, so Chris Stokes started to claim they were all related brothers and cousins to throw people off the scent.

Having Hotel Orgies was almost a everyday thing.
Chris Stokes did this also with his first band Immature/IMX.'

A few facts:

Omarion and Marques are not blood brothers

Raz B and Chris Stokes are blood cousins

MH was not apart of B2k he was in a group called Immature (later turned into IMX)

Happy Holidays!

MeikiSquared sends out the best to you and your loved ones this holiday season!

MyHotComments.com

Have a Priceless Holiday!

Pumps And The Lumps: A 2007 Fashion Round Up

2007 was definitely not a year for fashion as the All The Parties All-Stars can readily show. Keep this sh*t right where it is and away from 2008.

*Click to Enlarge*

Sigh. Regular Ass Bras As Outer Garments

Her mission in life should be to cover up all her sh*t. At all times. Throughout life.

Where do they get these sub-titty tops?

Her stuff just fell open. Or maybe the buttons just gave the hell up.

That strap is hanging on by a wing and a prayer.

Don't ever wear your "period" bra out for any reason.

The hi-waist trouser, jean, short isn't bad at all, but these clubbers must shop at the same spot and those ruffle tops must all snap at the crotch.

A lot of chicks figured..."Eff the girdle, let me hike up these pants." And so it was written.

These corset broads must pack this sh*t up and go home. Don't none (yes, don't none) of these women know how to or when not to wear it, so just stop this sh*t in 2007!

I bet her nipples were concave when she took that thing off.

The wires in that thing just gave the hell up.

A corset with a collared shirt underneath? When trying to be sexy and warm goes wrong.

Old bishes in the club looking fug tryna cut a rug.

(Why, oh why did someone on the All The Parties site try to claim that this chick is actually 28?!)

I guess she's telling me to kiss her menopausal ass.

Party and Bullsh*t: Redux

Presenting the All-Stars of New York, Houston and Atlanta from the past year:

*Click to Enlarge (If you dare.)*

That sh*t on her face looks scary as hell.

Is that belt serving a purpose?

She's gonna have to manually detach her vagina from those shorts later on.

Sexy called and it doesn't want anything to do with you.

Tittay claw tats, paw prints, and bullet wounds , oh my!

If you have to create tittay vents, it's time to go a size up.

Is that velvet? Is that FUBU?!

They are moving out of his way. Dude is 'bout to hit a vouge move.

I don't know. (Today: ...And I still don't know.)

The next time you wear this outfit to the club, don't show off for the cameras because we can see the white lining of your ass pads... And we can see how it's cutting into your thigh.

I ain't mad at the outfit. I'm mad I can see her footprint in those tight ass Reeboks.

He doesn't have the strength to make the "peace" sign.

She ran her ass right over from 7th period.

Dude, all that gives you is a limp wrist. And girl, just ask somebody before you leave the house.

Her toes are sweeping a path for her to walk on.

Since she couldn't be a Victoria's Secret angel, she went as a Citi Trends moth.

Beesh, a bra be your best friend!

Since it's Friday....there will be more where this came from later.

It's Friday....You Know The Rest

A bit of ridiculousness to end your week.

Mary Dee expressed her opinion on the Jamie Lynn Spears debacle and *ahem* certain people lost it. You see, Mary forgot the golden rule: We can call them trailer park trash and sluts, but your black arse doesn't have the right to do the same. (Link)

R&B singer MARY J. BLIGE blames a lack of strong parental guidance for the troubles of stars including BRITNEY SPEARS, LINDSAY LOHAN and PARIS HILTON.

Blige claims the main reason many young celebrities are so badly behaved is because there's nobody in their entourages who's prepared to disagree with them.

She says, "In a business like the music business, too much success too soon for a young person can drive them crazy.

"If there's no parental guidance to say, 'You know, your environment isn't right. Change it up,' or something like that... Because everyone's saying yes to everything you do, everything's cool, everything you do is hot." And Blige, who has herself battled alcohol and drug addictions, admits her problems had a lot to do with surrounding herself with the wrong kind of people.

She adds, "When I finally woke up and was able to see my environment, I got out of there because they were killing my career, they were killing everything that was going to make me better.

"No one would tell me the truth, and no one's telling them (today's troubled stars) the truth and that's the problem."

They're mad at Mary because she is right.

Ball Sweaty And Pubic Announcement Look For New Member

R&B/hip-hop band Pretty Ricky are looking to follow in the footsteps of the Pussycat Dolls and launch a reality TV show to help in their search for a new member. The Grind With Me hitmakers are looking for a replacement for singer Pleasure who left the group in October (07) to pursue a solo career; and remaining bandmates Slick 'Em, Baby Blue and Spectacular are hoping to launch a U.S.-wide search for a new addition - if TV networks choose to pick up the program.

But Baby Blue insists the new member must meet their high standards if they are to have a chance of joining Pretty Ricky. He tells MTV.com, "We're a hip-hop and R&B group. The three of us rap, and the fourth member has to be a singer just to keep the music consistent. (But) it's more about (whether a new member can) be another brother and just cope with all our family issues or whatever. And they got to be a woman magnet. They got to know how to deal with these ladies, 'cause that's one thing we got to do. That's why the music is all about women, because Pretty Ricky loves the ladies and the ladies love Pretty Ricky."

The Pussycat Dolls launched a nationwide search for a seventh member on a show entitled, Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll, in April 2007 - but winner Asia Nitollano quit after just three months to go solo.

Ugh. I know hate is a strong word, but I can't help but to feel it for these characters right here. They're like those freakishly unfortunate boys who always hit on the special ed. and low self-esteem chicks because that was the only way they'd get broke off. A new member. I call a fatwa on these f*ckers.

Here's a little something from Mr. Buttons for you to do when you're trying to work off the holiday excesses. You betta work-out b*tch.
Buttons Exoti-Krunk

Wind It Up

Usher Is Boring

It wasn't like he was hella exciting before, but marriage and fatherhood make Usher a dull boy. (Link)

By SONIA MURRAY
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Published on: 12/19/2007
After a business lunch meeting Wednesday to discuss his partnership with the National Hockey League, R&B's Usher took time out to talk to us about being a family man as well as what's going on with him musically:

• What he's learning as a new father: "I think I'm learning how selfish I really can be as an individual. Man, before you just get up and go everyday and you work people to oblivion — and I do. But when you have a child it's like, 'Wow!' All of this time now goes toward making sure that one, he has the milk that he needs. He's being burped properly. Diapers are being changed — and Lord knows he has let me have it! I am changing diapers!"

• "The funniest thing ever was (Atlanta music mogul Jermaine Dupri) watching me change a diaper. He was like, 'You're officially a daddy, dog.' "

• While the Raymonds are figuring out how they will release the first baby photos, Usher pulls a few from his wallet. One is a black and white he took when his first child was born. "I've become an instant photographer," he offers. "Developing them and everything." Another shot is of Usher V — who may have more hair than daddy — during his first bath in the sink. "It looks like he's posing doesn't it?" the admiring father says. "I wonder where he gets that from? He's going to be a lady-killer!"

• What he's learning as a new husband: "Just to be a little more patient. Marriage is not a sprint, it's a marathon. You have to take your time and be very patient. Sometimes you've got to breathe. Step away. Walk away from each other. You'll drive each other crazy if you're not considerate of that."

• What he's learning as a new dog owner: "That's my buddy right there! I went and got a dog a week before I had my child. Crazy, huh? But his name is Mr. Scottie Benson." (Scottie, he explains, because the standard schnauzer's facial hair is similar to Scottie from the R&B group the Whispers. And Benson because "he's kind of like a butler. They can be somewhat uppity dogs. Very intelligent dogs.")

"He almost got me thrown out of the house last night though, because he peed on the carpet."

• Getting a Grammy nomination earlier this month, and he doesn't even have a new CD out: "Shoot, I'm winning even in my sleep ... even in hibernation. That's a heck of a compliment."

• When he'll finally have a new CD out: "I've been diligently working on creating a masterpiece. It's going to be out first or maybe the second quarter. I see the second quarter of next year. And there will be a video and single out at the top of the year."

(Usher added that a collaboration with Michael Jackson and Atlanta rapper-singer T-Pain is in early stages. "It's been created, but it's not recorded. And as long as Michael is open to it, hey, anything goes.")

Blind Item

...because I know you all hate them.

FROM RICHES TO RAGS:

This black female celebrity grew up in a single parent home. Her mother was a junkie and often forced her assistance in tying a belt around her arm before she shot up.

To makes matters worse, her mom would demand she (tie the belt) in front of friends.

When she attended high school, she attracted all of the boys due to her good looks but she ignored them because she wanted to stay focused on her goal-she was going to be famous one day.

She would immerse herself in Right-On magazine and made a vow to herself that she would one day grace their pages.

When she told her friends of her aspirations, they often rolled their eyes and laughed in her face.

She hooked up with a guy in Los Angeles, they both had dreams of fame and both would achieve their goals.

He tried to be abusive towards her but she fought him back, hard. After they broke up, they continued to work together. He started dating women he could abuse.

Her big break came when she released her solo effort which went platinum. Sadly, her attitude changed, she didn't have time for childhood friends and she purchased a big fancy home and often traveled overseas on shopping sprees.

She also got involved with a famous married man, broke up his marriage, got pregnant on him and then dumped him.

She has always been openly bi-sexual but the press ignored this part of her life due to her looks and feminine appearance. At a bay area concert, she even spoke of the problems she was having with a live-in girlfriend at the time. The audience thought she was joking.

She was basically a one hit wonder and she would lose her home to foreclosure and her luxury car would be repossessed.

Promoters have asked her to perform on old school tours, although she needs the money, her ego is so out of control, she refuses unless she is the headliner, which is impossible because she doesn't have enough hits to headline.

When she does get gigs, she has a crackhead relative who acts as her manager. He tries to intimidate promoters by asking them to pay her entire fee up front, when the tactic doesn't work, they settle for half up front.

Times must be really hard, because she performed three shows recently and wore the same outfit for each show and she was seen walking after each show, to a nearby hotel. She couldn't even afford a cab or a limo.

Hint: Very well known.

Just A Minor Survey

#1
You get married with the expectation that you will have children together. After trying relentlessly to conceive, you find out that your spouse cannot have children and they knew it all along. Would you stay married?

#2
You get married and find out that your spouse has a criminal past that they did not reveal to you. Because of that, they have a hard time finding employment and that has a direct effect on your household finances. Would you stay married?

Y-O-Y?

And to think, there was a time where I was obsessed with ABC's The View. Meredith was my favorite (still can't believe that) and Star Jones was just another chick from the block. I don't know what the hell is going on anymore. Between Elizabeth "Wonk" Hasslebeck and Sherri "Dinosaurs = Jesus Horses" Sheppard, I'm ashamed be ashamed to be wonky black woman.

Sherri Shepherd: I Couldn't "Beat" My Kid In A "Rich White Folks' Store"

Yesterday on "The View," Sherri Shepherd discussed taking her two-year-old son Jeffrey to a toy store that was having a sale instead of giving him a nap. She described the store, Giggle, as "a rich white folks' store."

What distinguishes a "rich white folks' store" from any other store? For Sherri, it's the inability to physically discipline her screaming child. Jeffrey was crying as they shopped for toys, but Sherri told the panel that, because she felt guilty about bringing him to the store instead of letting him nap, "I couldn't do what I normally would have done. Plus the people [were] looking at me like, this wasn't a store that looked like they beat the kids. So I had to do as the Romans do when I was in the Roman store."

It remains unclear whether these Romans came before or after the Christians.

What? And isn't her son special needs?

People Who Are Missing And People Who Should Be Missing

Can we put an APB out on this dude right here?!! He's out attending parties and whatnot Tuesday with Rosie Perez and Colin Ferrell, but his ass can't find a microphone to pick up!

I had to back up and whoo-saaa for a minute earlier this year because I found myself threatening him through my comments on his Myspace page. I told him to stop flucking with my emotions. I was so serious at the time. He was supposed to have an album out November 2006 and then February 2007 and STILL we had nothing! The good thing that did happen was that after my comments, I was contacted by the head of his fan club and she got me into some other great soul singers while we sit and wait for Maxwell's slow ass to come back with something new.

STILL WAITING!

Kelandria Rowland. Her name gets gets altered for the mainstream. Willingly played third and then second fiddle. She went and told everyone she was getting married except for the "fiancee" (Link). Her career manager forgot that she was ever his client. Her concert tickets are now being given away free with or without purchase at participating Jiffy Lubes. Her choir was the first to be eliminated on the NBC bomb, Clash of the Choirs (Link). Now, Kelly Rowland is going to be investigated for mail fraud.

That is the only rational reasoning for her to still be getting all of these celebrity invitations.

So DEAD @ this: (Link)

In the wedding magazine article Kelly talked about her wedding plans. She discussed how her Aunt Tina (Beyonce's mother) was designing her bespoke wedding gown and how she planned for all of the guests to participate in the wedding ceremony by placing flowers in a circle for her and Roy to stand inside while they were married.

Ohhhh....that's why there was no wedding. Wearing a wedding gown original from Tina Knowles' Black, Blonde and Bedazzled™ collection would make me reconsider marriage altogether my damn self.

Daddy Dearest

Um, whatever happened to praying it out?

Police: Man Beat Boy For Putting Pink On Fingernails (Link)

A man was arrested on child abuse charges after he beat a 7-year-old boy with a belt because the child put pink fingernail polish on his own nails, according to Orange County sheriff's deputies.

Orlando - Aundre Jermaine Hill, 25, was arrested on Saturday at about 5:19 p.m. after sheriff's deputies responded to a home in reference to a call saying that a boy was discovered with bruises on his body.

Orange County sheriff's deputies said the boy's mother was bathing him when she noticed the markings on the boy.

Investigators said it appeared the boy was beaten with a belt and hands on his buttocks, arms, temple and legs.

Hill was located, arrested and transported to the Orange County Jail. He later bonded out of jail.

Aundre Jermaine Hill, 25, was arrested on Saturday at about 5:19 p.m. after sheriff's deputies responded to a home in reference to a call saying that a boy was discovered with bruises on his body.