Since no one seems to know just what in the hell Kelly Rowland is promoting in this latest photo shoot, it's up to us to help ourselves and figure it out.
I'll guess first...
Kelly is posing for the the new line of Tragic Edition Low Self-Esteem™ African American Barbie with optional father figure (sold separately).
Kelly Knowland Keeps On Rolling
Paris Bennett Is Pregnant?
Who?
That lil girl from American Idol.
I know Grandma Ann Nesby ain't having it, though.
"American Idol" 2006 contestant Princess P is becoming a mommy.
Paris Bennett is expecting a baby girl in October and will be 20 when mommyhood arrives.
"This makes five generations," an overjoyed Jamecia Bennett, told me Thursday.
Jamecia, who like her daughter and mother is a singer, is absolutely over the moon about being a first-time grandmother.
"I'm proud of how she did it. I was 16 when I got pregnant," said Jamecia. [Ummmm.....]
Paris' great-grandmother is Shirley T. Bennett, 75, of Rockford, Ill.; her grandmother Ann Nesby, a gospel and R&B powerhouse, who lives in Atlanta, was with the Sounds of Blackness.
Who's the daddy? "He chooses not to be in the public eye," said Jamecia. "I respect that." What does he do for a living? "I can't tell," she said.
"She has a ring," said Jamecia, who's hopeful that she'll be planning a wedding for Paris.
The planning for an August baby shower is already underway. A few celebrities may fly into town for the show, including Queen Latifah.
Latifah has made it clear that she plans to spoil this baby with gifts and that she won't be stopped. You're the princess but I'm the queen, Jamecia said Latifah told Paris.
National magazines have been calling looking for baby info, but Jamecia said she's played it cool. "We tend to stay out of the media," Jamecia said. "The only person we let know [personal] things is you."
Um, then why did I have to hear about this pregnancy elsewhere?
[Star-Tribune]
Hell, they're citing Media Take Out, so who knows?
I do know, however, that this Jamecia person is dumb as all hell.
Jennifer Lopez For Ya Mammy
I don't know how or why, but Jennifer Lopez' brand, JLO will be marketed by the high-end Italian firm, Yamamay. Yamamay will be carrying JLO brand lingerees and swimwear.
Yammay
Um, who is still checking for J.Lo and her Hola Kitty ass clothing line?
Thirsty For Booty Sweat?
Don't blame me, blame America [Ad Age]
I wanna see that movie, though.
Do they even sell Lil John's Crunk Juice and Nelly's Pimp Juice anymore?
Who's going to see Hancock?
When I see it, I promise not to come here and spoil it for you like I did for:
Vantage Point
The Strangers
The Happening and
Pootie Tang II: Pootie Nights
Congrats To The New Couple
Ruben Studdard wed Surata Zuri McCants at Canterbury United Methodist Church in Mountain Brook, Alabama on Saturday.
He met his new bride during a CD-signing at a Wal-Mart store in Atlanta in October 2006. The 29-year-old singer says he was struck by McCants’ beauty and later tracked her down in the toy department and asked for her telephone number.
[Watch footage of the Studdards briskly walking, damn near jogging (video 2)outside of their nuptials here...]
Speaking of weddings, Bishop T.D. Jakes' daughter Sarah was married recently and here are a few pics of her wedding day. [Bishop T.D. Jakes Blog]
On the "I ain't the one to gossip tip"...
I heard a while ago that Bishop T.D. Jakes' teenage daughter who became pregnant. I wonder if this is her.
Ain't That Peculiar?
Keyshia Cole is the new face of Luster's Pank Oil
...And they chose her because they think this represents us:
"...The company was looking for a spokesperson that exhibited the genuineness and authenticity that mirrored the mindset of today's young, urban consumer as trendsetter, social networker and entertainment seeker. Keyshia Cole is an established brand that young consumers trust and love to emulate, making her a natural fit for the brand's position of creating superstar looks every day." [Eurweb]
Mmmmmmkay.
Give his man a point for chutzpah!
Master P's clothing line to relaunch at Walmart stores
NEW YORK (Billboard) - Master P and his son, fellow hip-hop hit-maker Romeo,
have agreed to relaunch their P. Miller Designs apparel line exclusively through
Wal-Mart, Billboard has learned. [Reuters]
I can't wait to start dressing like I did in middle school when Master P was popular.
I'm gonna get D.A.'s baby a 'Make em say ughhhh' onesie the day they come out.
My equilibrium is messed up forever now.
Beyonce and Idris on "Obsessesd" movie set
Could they possibly look more out of it?
I think even BET Blackbuster Films will pass on this one.
Probably not.
Party and Bullsh*t
From the 'Check that ish out with a big ass mirror before you show it off files'...
It's not what you think. That's actually a tattoo of an oil spill.
See?
And she got her cousin to get a matching tatt.
And sucking it in is doing what exactly?
Are they giving these shits away?
Cross-eyedness can be sexy...
But sucking on turkey pops ain't.
The poor man died helping her with that bra.
Either braid it or make that ish into a wig.
You're going to hell if you spot the cock-eyed person in this pic.
They must be on a hoe work release program or something. They gon' make it one day.
Not feeling the FUPA flashing freakum dress.
I was gonna say something about this person, but she looks all types of 'flicted, so Imma keep quiet and not go to hell.
BONUS:
She looks like she made an honest effort that night, so I'm gonna just leave this here and let you do the work for me...
Hey, Folks!
I'm receiving a majorly major medical procedure today, so the posts that you will see will be brought to you on a timer. Y'all know I lubs some of you! And the rest of you (and you know who you are) can KMA for mocking me in my time of need!
Let me leave you with some visual stimulation to get your weekend going...
Sashay, Shante!
OMG, Fabulous! VH1's Flavor of Love and I Love New York's New York shot promos for her new half-hour reality show, New York Goes To Hollywood premiering August 4th.
New York looks stunning, spectacular, fabulous! I'm so happy for her!
When do you think she'll tell the world she has a dick?
Kimora's Got That Golden Snatch
Russell Simmons To Pay $480,000 A Year For Child Support
That works out to $20,000 a month.
Damn. Although this chick still holds the golden uterus title.
What makes some women's ovaries more valuable than others?
How do they spend that child support money? I need to know.
And when you find out, pass that info along to 50 Cent's child's mother, Shaniqua Tompkins because she's got the game all messed up. Help a sista out.
I fell out when I heard, too.
Hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons, 50, was ordered to pay $20,000 a month in child support for his two kids with estranged wife Kimora Lee, 33, according to documents obtained Wednesday by TMZ.com. That’s a total of $480,000 each year for kids who already live in a palatial $24 million estate in Saddle River, N.J. Their mom, a former model, is CEO of the Baby Phat fashion house.
The agreement, filed Tuesday in Los Angeles Superior Court, shows that until 2019, Russell Simmons will continue payments for Ming Lee, now 8, and, until 2022, for Aoki, now 5.
Kimora Lee, filed for divorce in March after nine years of marriage. She’s asking for primary custody of the girls and that Russell, 50, be granted “reasonable child visitation … accompanied at all times by the children’s nanny and security personnel.” [NY Daily News ]
I Wanna Love Like That
It was nice to see this pic because I had always figured that Tina Knowles was born with that fart smell look she always has on her face and that Matthew Knowles always had that tie-your-ass-to-a-railroad look in his cock eye.
Pic jacked from The Life Files
Tina Beyince and Matthew Knowles back in their courting days when Tina appeared weekly on Soul Train as it's first saved and sanctified dancer, Virginya Mary LeÉtouffée.
Black (with Creole rising) love, ain't it grand? 
QOTD
You know it's killing you, but you do it anyway. What is your snack obsession?
Me? Sugar Pops and Cheese
American cheese.
Oh yeah, those square cheese and with the orange crackers. I don't know how or why in the hell the crackers are urnge, but dammit if it ain't good.
Oh, and rainbow sherbet with a salty chip. Preferably cheddar and sour cream Ruffles.
And something called a Chee Wee.
I never realized it, but I must have this thing for cheese.
Ruben Studdard Likes Em Big **oops, damn blogger**
Ruben Studdard to Have 20 Groomsmen at Wedding
Ruben Studdard is planning a big Southern wedding Saturday with fiancée Surata Zuri McCants – with at least 20 groomsmen at his side, a source tells PEOPLE.
The American Idol second-season champ will marry McCants, 30, at Canterbury United Methodist Church in the tony Mountainbrook neighborhood of Birmingham, Ala., according to the source close to the wedding. A rep for Studdard confirms he's getting married this weekend.
Studdard and his groomsmen will wear black Joseph Abboud tuxedos from local outfitter Mr. Burch Formal Wear, the source says. The groomsmen will wear black shirts with black vests while Studdard will wear a white vest and a white hand-tied bow tie.
Studdard, 29, a Birmingham native, and McCants obtained a marriage license Monday at the Shelby County Probate Office in Columbiana, Ala.
Apparently, Ruben and his intended do not watch the WE network's Bridezillas. Kountry ass Kenya from two weeks ago had a 30 member wedding party, complained the whole time about feeding all of those people, held the wedding rehearsal in the parking lot of a Wing Shack and was pissed off during the ceremony when all of those people couldn't move in a single-file line to that goofy ass wedding arch "choreogography" they had planned for those 30 people to do. That wedding had me in tears and was highly entertaining, but just say NO, Rube.
The BET WTF's
This is the last of the BET Awards 2008 posting, but I can't let you all go home without pointing out the purr fuckery of the black carpet.
Solange is killing me in multiple ways.
1. The comb-over/swoop bang that is obviously hiding a secret.
2. And how Solange is transforming into LaToya Jackson right in front of our eyes.
As Fresh says, "Girl, you so different!"
Lil Kim, WTF?! That wig look spider webbed onto her scalp and she PAID to look f*cked up all the time like this!
Seriously, how old is this nigro (Shawty Lo)? I thought Flo-Rida looked old as hell.
A random-as-hell placement of Lisa Lisa. Um, why she ain't sing on the show?!! I would've love to see Full Force too, jheri curls and all.
Pretty? Ricky...why are they still alive?
Model Angel Lola Love. What in the hell is this thing? She's obviously bumming around in Golden Brooks' pancake #30 makeup bin. She needs to get it together for the last 30 seconds of "fame".
Toccara, Toccara, Toccara... She looks great, but I don't know. The symmetry seems off.
You tell me!
BET Awards 2008: Yawnerefferic!
Where do I start?
First of all, I'd like to give a hearty EFF YOU to the Comcast corporation for causing me to miss the first twenty minutes and some change of the show because of their faulty equipment.
Surprising, the 2008 BET Awards weren't as fuckery laden as it's previous efforts, but trust, your people did not disappoint.
I was giving the Nelly stare to this whole production all night.
Usher's desperate self opened the show and performed to remind us that before Chris Brown came along he was the nasally singer who got on our damn nerves first.
Try too hard much?
Cuba Gooding, Jr., Morris Chestnut and Nia Long got back together for a Boyz N the Hood rememberance type thing...who knows?
Ne-Yo got high up in the air in a nut cutter/church shoes wardrobe combo.
Keyshia Cole was looking confused and out of place as ever. She just tries so hard...
Lil Kim...no comment.
Alicia Keys in her Cleopatra wig overdoing it once again. I don't know about this girl anymore. She's been treading in the corn(y) fields lately.
Alicia Keys was joined onstage by a piss poor pitiful looking SWV.
I didn't know what in the hell Jennifer Hudson and Terence howard were talking about.
Why do they let P. Diddy talk?
Alicia was thinking hard about where those lips have been.
Chris Brown performed. This boy is quickly wearing out his welcome.
They threw Ciara in there to meet their ass popping quota.
Ciara's not tired of airing her crotch out on national television yet?
And right after the simulated sex performance of Chris Brown and Ciara?
Random gospel segment!
Mary May and Marvin Sapp. I wonder if they sat throughout the whole show.
Boogawolf-Pain performed his singing into a fan trick.
Nelly, Jermaine Dupri and Fergie were rapping about some damn shoes getting stepped on. Nelly, check your age and call me in the morning, kay?
Rihanna performed and took all of us back to CHUCH!
Soul singer Al Green was honored and Jill Scott sang one of his famous tunes. Why? Hellifiknow.
Anthony Hamilton sang a diddy and **gasp** my ex-husband came along and shocked me right out of a dry seat.
Maxwell did the damn thing!
Al Green came onstage to show the younguns how to flamenco dance (j/k).
Lyte skin devil Debra Leeevil came out sans much needed bra to honor Quincy Delight Jones, Jr.
Lil Wayne won some awards and managed to have the whole 9th ward to join him onstage and he also closed the show.
It was funny how almost everyone knew the words of the Al Green songs and sang along and the audience did the same for Lil Wayne's songs when he performed.
New Orleans we did it!
ASCAPS A.K.A. 'Everybody And Their Mama Can Get One Of These' Awards
The American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers held their annual honors recently and these people showed up...
Somebody please come and get Raheem. I'm trying to be there for him, but stuff like this makes it very hard.
New Edition
Why do they let Bobbay talk? He can barely fix his mouth to make sounds these days.
Ink Blot representing.
Ludacris and Johnta Austin. I was really upset when Johnta came on the scene and proved to be very, very wack.
Flo Rida
Dude's hairline is hanging on by a wing and a prayer and when I say "wing" I mean the Batman symbol **I ain't lying**.
Is You Excited?
Yes, Is you!
I'm getting my ignorance on in anticipation for tonight's BET Awards '08!
Every past show was a certified mess and we won't be let down this year.
What do you expect to see at this year's BET Awards? **You know you're gonna watch**
Nelly and Ashanti (they're still effing?) at pre-BET Awards gala
Jill-Marie Jones at a pre-BET Awards event this past weekend.
I'm so mad that her hairline is thirsty and is a mixture of silky Asian with Indian Remy rising.
BET Awards '08 press release:
Performers at the BET Awards '08, to be televised live on the 24th, include:
"Rihanna, Ne-Yo, Keyshia Cole, Usher, Lil Wayne, Alicia Keys, Chris Brown, Kanye West, Nelly, Marvin Sapp, and Young Jeezy...In addition, LL Cool J, Samuel L. Jackson, Ice Cube, Terrence Howard, Jennifer Hudson, Gabrielle Union, Mary Mary, Lauren London and Kevin Hart will be on hand as presenters, and Jill Scott will perform a special tribute to...Al Green, who is receiving BET's Lifetime Achievement Award."
"Quincy Jones...is also being honored this year with BET's prestigious [HA!] Humanitarian Award...Hosted by actor and comedian D.L. Hughley."
Marketing partners include Dodge, Procter & Gamble, Target, CIROC Vodka, Lincoln/Ford, Coors Brewing Company/Coors Light, Pepsi, Verizon Wireless, Akademiks.
Music Throwback
Shaggy feat. RikRok - It Wasn't Me
Back in 2001, my dad and I were riding around listening to the radio and when this song came on, he asked me who sang this song because he was liking it. And the world h